Sometimes when we think we are making the least amount of impact on a person we may later find that a single kindness touched someone more then we realize. Case in point, the dad gift. What is a dad gift you may ask? Well I should probably say right now I do not mean to insinuate it is exclusively something a father can get, I am sure mothers, friends and siblings can get this type of gift as well.
I have a son who is an adult, he and I have a great relationship now, it has not always been that way. I have been an avid hiker and outdoorsman all my life. My son was never really interested in hiking and outdoor survival but he enjoyed camping. One time several years ago he and I went on a camp out and we had a great time. Things had been rocky between us and shortly after this trip things went from bad to worse.
During this camping trip I was teaching him several methods of starting a fire. I showed him a magnesium and flint tool that I always carried with me in my outdoor gear. It can start a fire even in fairly wet conditions. He was able to successfully start a fire with it on this trip and he was filled with a sense of accomplishment. He talked about it the rest of the trip. I gave him my fire starting tool and told him to keep it in his outdoor gear so he will always be safe.
That was the last time he even spoke civilly to me for quite some time. Our relationship has healed since then and he and I are very close and always do things together. He has been asking to learn more about the outdoors and I have been going on many outings with him. He is not quite comfortable alone in the woods yet but he is getting there.
Yesterday I was out in the woods about 12 miles away from the nearest paved road. My youngest son and I were out taking photographs and picking a few mushrooms. My oldest son happened upon us just as we got started. We had a great time and It was about one hour before sun down before we decided to leave. We found there was a problem with my car and I could not start it. My oldest son was going to have to take my youngest son back to town and get something I needed.
I knew it was going to get dark and very cold shortly. I have plenty of food, blankets, extra clothing etc. in the back of my car any time I go out to the woods even if I think I will only be there a day. So safety wasn’t a real issue. I could see however that my oldest son was worried. I told him I would be safe. Just drop his little brother off with mom and come back out for me.
He still was uneasy, he knows I have stayed in the woods overnight by myself a million times. He just felt like he was leaving me and he felt bad. He then got into the trunk of his car and came out with the fire starting tool I had given him long ago. He placed it in my hand and sheepishly said: “I have always carried this with me since you gave it to me. It’s probably silly”. When I realized what it was I am sure my eyes were watering up, I know his were. He told me to make a fire if it gets too cold.
He left with his little brother and I was left alone in the stillness of the late afternoon forest. I thought about what had just transpired and the more I thought about it, the more I realized he had bothered to keep that small token with him through good and bad times. This little thing was very important to him. Important enough that when he felt I needed to be comforted, he gave it to me. I could tell it held a lot of emotion for him as he handed it to me.
My son gave me a gift the other day, not something of great monetary value, but something much more important than that. He let me know that perhaps I have been a good father to him all these years. Perhaps the words and advice have given him comfort through all the times when I thought he wasn’t even listening.
I think sometimes we touch those around us even when we feel ineffective. I held on to that fire starting tool while he was gone. Not so much because I thought I might need a fire, but because my son had given me a gift, an affirmation that I am loved as a father and I have done a good job.
I am sure this happens for mothers, friends, siblings and any other type of personal relationships you can have. It made me realize again how there is always hope.
Otter
5 comments:
Otter, your story gives me hope that maybe someday Jenn and I can have a "better" relationship...that is started new and has hope. Right now, all is so dark and deep and I need to be away from her...its hard to imagine life good with her at this point. I know my one and only thing I want in this world is for her to find her way "to live" and be happy. To quit destroying those who love her.
Aahhh Otter, why is it that I can rarely read a post of yours without tears in my eyes? But they are good tears - you have such a gift of storytelling.
Oh Otter, thank you so much for this. It really gives me a lot of hope for me and my oldest son. He's almost 18 and while he is an amazing kid, he is also the typical teenager that knows everything... We butt heads often and I fear that this will hurt our long-term relationship. I keep holding out hope that as he matures he will start to understand my point of view on things. I hope that I am giving him enough "mom gifts" and that one day I have the privelege to receive one back from him. :)
I wish so much that I could have those moments with my mother. She passed away 3 weeks before I found out that I was pregnant.
When my daughter was born, my eyes filled up with tears and I said Now I know how much my mom loved me.
Blessings,
~Beth
Otter this is just beautiful! Yup, tears in my eyes for the gift you received as I know how special a moment it was for you and him. You are both blessed.
Jane
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