Grandpa and his cats

Those of you who have read some of my posts on LE about my grandfather know that although he passed away years ago, he is still my hero and always will be. It is important for me to keep the memory of my grandfather alive. As hard as my poor grandfather tried, I am sure I learned very little of what he tried to teach me. I do want to pass on what knowledge and wisdom I managed to gain from him though. To this end and to honor my grandfather, I tell my son stories and anecdotes about him frequently.

My grandfather was not a well educated man but he was probably the most intelligent man I have ever known. He did not study philosophy or the great schools of thought but he was the wisest man I have ever known. He was practical, provincial and immensely patient. All of these characteristics added up to the greatest mentor a boy could ever have. I am fortunate to have had him at my side as I grew up. He may be gone these many years but to me, he is still at my side and I will do my best to make sure he is at my son’s side as he grows up as well.

My grandfather was a great problem solver. He could take family disputes and find equitable resolutions. He could take an emotional difficulty and with a story or words of encouragement, could strengthen your spirit and resolve. He could take a mechanical problem, apply some thought to it and find a solution even though many people may have already tried and failed to work it out.

Fast forward from my grandfather to my 11 year old son a few days ago. He and I were working on modifying a piece of furniture for his room. If I was resourceful and could figure out this modification it would make a nice addition to his room and it would make my wife very happy... always a plus.

I knew it could be done or at least I figured it could be done without too much of a fuss but I just couldn’t quite formulate a plan. Part of the issue were very small nails already driven into the piece that I wanted to remove. They had been driven almost completely into the wood, there was no way to remove them that didn’t damage the wood.

As my son and I went about this, I became stumped I said out loud, “come on grandpa, help me out”. I knew that my grandfather would easily find a solution. I could tell it amused my son when I said this so as any good parent will do, I seized on something that made my son smile and used it repeatedly.

I really needed to remove the nails without damaging the piece. I also needed to plan out the last of the technical details for constructing this piece and I was starting to wonder if I could get this done and make it look nice. Again I said “come on grandpa, help me out”. This time my son said something that surprised me and made me happy also. He said “I bet you wish you had some of his cats right now”.

Well, in reality my grandfather’s cats were there. They were there because my son had, in that moment, summoned something from my past. Something that my grandfather used to say when I was growing up. One of his little sayings that proved to be very true. Something I had told my son several times and always hoped the he would someday understand. Still knowing he has no idea the full scope of the saying, never the less he has taken it to heart and understands the basic idea.

Now back to those cats of my grandfather’s. My grandfather would often allow me to try and do things on my own. He would watch as I would try and try something the same way over and over and not be able to get it done. Then he would gently offer his advice that came from a lifetime of experience. The way he would often offer his advice was to get me to start using my brain.....something I frequently forgot to engage.

His introductory saying to a situation I was trying to solve would always be.... “there is more then one way to skin a cat”. I would just like to say now that no cats were harmed in the making of this provincial saying. Nor did my grandfather go around actually skinning, actual cats. What he did do was teach a young, headstrong boy to stop and consider difficulties, obstacles and problems from more then one angle. What I have done is realize he was talking in a much broader sense then what I originally gleaned from this saying.

He taught me to stop, to think and to apply my mind to the world around me. To things I may encounter that may appear to need resolving. To look at situations from something as simple as wiring a light switch to as complex as getting along with your fellow human being through this simple saying. I learned there really is more then one way to skin a cat. There really is often more then one solution, more then one way of doing things, more then one opinion. Sometimes opening your eyes and your mind to a solution you might not think of at the outset is better then being stubborn working twice as hard and not using your intellect.

Here is the fly in this cat ointment however, in the midst of my toil my grandfather might very well tell me “there is more then one way to skin a cat”. He would just be checking to see if I had weighed my options in coming to the solution I was working on. Sometimes I had thought about what I was doing, sometimes I hadn’t. Sometimes I was doing it the right way, sometimes I wasn’t. Sometimes I was doing it the easy way but my grandfather would show me that the “easy way” wasn’t necessarily the “right way”.

Forethought and insight are required before you jump into action and “fix” something, only to discover your solution caused more problems in the long run because you took a short cut. Sometimes doing things the right way is harder then doing them the easy way. As I was growing up my grandfather had his hand on my shoulder guiding me in that respect. Sometimes I took the hard road because it was the right thing to do. Sometimes I took the hard road because I was thoughtless and stubborn.

As my son is growing up and we work on projects together, when we come to an impasse or we come to an unforeseen problem, I will ask his input. I will usually tell him a story of my grandfather telling me “there is more then one way to skin a cat”. He laughs, out of amusement or obligation I don’t know. I know we work well together and he is always quick to learn a new skill. I know he enjoys solving problems with me. It made my heart happy when he chimed in about my grandpa’s cats. I knew, at least for a moment, that a lesson my grandfather started me on many, many years ago is now taking hold in my son.

I know, as a father, I walk that fine line of letting him test his wings and come up with solutions and of spreading my own wings and catching him safely as I guide him gently to the correct answer when needed. I also know that as I raise up my son, I have hopes and dreams he will be a good man. He will be kind, loving, compassionate and intelligent. He will treat others with dignity and respect. He will know how to use his mind. I have hopes and dreams he will know, even though it may not be the easy thing, when and how to do what is right. I know through out my son’s growing years and probably into his adult years I will be saying inwardly, “come on grandpa, help me out”. I am just as sure, inwardly, it will be answered by my youngest son’s happy, loving voice saying “I bet you wish you had some of his cats right now”.