To all my friends who have taken the time to read my blog, to those who have taken the time to leave wonderful feedback and to my friends who have encouraged me in this endeavor: I want to give a great big heartfelt thank you to all of you. This blog, though short lived, has been fun and I have enjoyed sharing my life, my stories, my essays and photos with you. It was an experiment that took a bit of an unexpected turn for me. Originally I had not intended to use it as an outlet for so much writing. I love to write but there is no way I can keep up with a blog set up for short stories and essays. This will be my final entry. Once again I would like to thank all of you who have taken the time to read my rambling blog entries.
So, my final post:
As usual my mind has been focused on perspective or more accurately my lack of perspective. Those of you who know me personally will know that from time to time I have a bit of a physical issue I deal with. Nothing huge, insurmountable or even worthy of writing about. I do however let things get the best of me and I find myself frustrated at times. Recently I found myself, tired, frustrated and way out of perspective. As will often be the case however, life has a way of hitting me right between the eyes with a reality check.
I was pulling into the post office almost a week ago and due to the Christmas rush the parking lot was a little crowded. Not overly so but I wasn't feeling well and it was more crowded then I was in the mood to deal with. There was a parking space relatively close and I noticed there was a handicap parking space open. I would never park in a handicap parking space but there are times when I would love to be able to. I saw a car pulling into the handicap space and I did not immediately see a special placard in the car or see a special license plate entitling the driver to park there.
Now this is where I have a rambling flashback and need to give you some history. The year was, well the year was a long, long time ago and let’s just leave it at that. I was one of three cars pulling into a doctor’s office parking lot. The first car parked in the handicap parking space, the second car parked in a parking space quite a bit further from the entrance to the office. I parked just a little further out. The weather was very cold, there was slush coming down and there was a lot of ice on the parking lot.
Out of the handicap parked car bounds a young, apparently healthy man. He didn’t limp, walk slow or seem to have any trouble moving. I got out of my car and was slipping and sliding on the ice. I was in pain and at the time due to an injury and I was having a hard time walking. As I was walking to across the parking lot, the people in the second car had gotten out and were trying to negotiate the ice, wind and rain. Much to my dismay, sadness and outrage at the driver of the first car, the man and woman in the second car were about 75 years old or older. The man was feeble and had a hard time walking. The woman was not much better off and she was trying to support the man with her wiry little frame.
I hurried toward them to help them both but before I was able to get to them, the man slipped on the ice and the woman fell with him as she was trying to keep him up. My heart ripped in two as I saw them. They had struggled to their knees by the time I was able to help them. This was a small medical complex with about four different offices in it. The older couple and I were going to the same doctor so I helped them inside my doctor’s office and told the receptionist that they had both fallen. They ended up calling an ambulance for the man, I never found out if he was o.k.
I waited outside for the driver in the car that parked in the handicapped space to come out of his appointment. I yelled at him and cussed at him and finally grabbed him by the jacket and even though I was in pain, seriously contemplated throwing him down on the ice but thought better of it and just walked away. He probably thought I was crazy because he backed away and did not come after me. It was stupid on my part to get so out of control but I was so outraged at what happened to the two older people.
So with that in mind, back to my original story. As I parked I saw a car park in the only open handicap space available but it didn’t look like the car was legally entitled to be there. My son was with me and I almost grumbled about the person but thought better of it. The world around us often has more then enough bitterness in it and I try to be the last place on earth that my son hears bitterness from.
We got out of the car and started walking toward the door. Much to my dismay the person in the car seemed to be trying to get my attention. I knew I was in a bad mood and I really didn’t want to deal with this person but I knew I could not just ignore him. As I got closer I looked up at the person who had rolled his window down by this time. He had two letters in his hand and he was asking me if I could go mail them for him. He also had a cane, he was hooked up to an oxygen bottle and he appeared to be missing a leg.
I answered him with a very humble yes sir and took the letters. He was very relieved and started trying to explain why he was asking. He was afraid he had missed the outside mail pick up time and these were important letters for him. I told him it would absolutely be my pleasure and I told him I was happy I could do this for him. I felt like such a self centered, self pitying, idiot. My initial reaction to seeing the car pull into that space before I ever even saw the driver, sadly, spoke volumes about the state of my heart at that point.
I went into the post office and mailed the letters. My son who is generally a constant fixture at my side did not follow me when I went to check my post office box. When I retrieved my mail and turned around my son was walking over to me with a bounce in his step and a huge grin. He told me the reason he had not followed me was because he saw a “Grandma” carrying a lot of mail and she looked sad. That is how we describe elders, as Grandmas or Grandpas. He opened the door for her in hopes that it would help her and maker her happy. He said he wasn’t sure if it made her happy or not but he wanted to make people happy like I do.
On our way out of the post office the woman stopped us, she had waited for us to walk by and she told me what a kind son I have. She had a bright smile and she touched his face tenderly. His smile lit up like the sun and we both said thank you to her. I told him he had done a great job of making her happy and this thrilled him.
I got into the car and even though it was a rainy day I put my sun glasses on. I drove home with tears in my eyes. I had such bitterness in my heart at the onset of this entire incident. I had gotten frustrated and bitter with a person for no reason and hadn’t even met the person. Then I got an instant reality check when I saw the person needed help. Who am I to take myself so seriously and to focus on my own petty issues when people are in true need? Yet my son, with innocent eyes, wanted to be like me. As is often the case my son’s pure, sweet heart melted mine and put my own heart and mind into perspective.
Otter
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
You always inspired me with your posts. I will miss them very much. We all get reality checks from time to time. We just have to remember the lesson learned. Happy Holidays to you and yours. May your coming year be happy and prosperous. Blessed Be, Angelique
Please don't stop posting on your blog.
Your writing is wonderful, heartfelt, and inspiring.
Miss Kate
Otter..
I haven't been online all that much, but when I read your posts it touches my soul. It would be a shame is you stopped posting.
I'm ashamed that I never mailed you your package.. I TOTALLY forgot and saw them in the garage on Christmas day. You can't even image how horrible I felt when I realized that. I hope you forgive me.
Kristi
Otter, it is very sad news to me that you do not intend to post again. I assume that other priorities need to take precedence, and I understand that, but I hope that you will 'never say never' and will post again, if you have something you feel the need to share. You are in my RSS feed, so I will find it, if you do post again. For about the 4th time in a row, your post has brought tears to my eyes. To have the gift to write so eloquently, and to be aware of those special moments that are worth passing on, is a special thing.
I think you judge yourself very harshly sometimes though - the reason your son justifiably wants to 'be like you' is because you “almost grumbled about the person but thought better of it. The world around us often has more then enough bitterness in it and I try to be the last place on earth that my son hears bitterness from.". Unfortunately most people would have vented first, and then discovered their error. Your self restraint proved to be a shining example for your son.
Wishing you all the best for the New Year
Suz
I don't know your reasons for deciding not to post to your blog anymore. I DO know that my, and other's, lives will be poorer for the loss of your beautiful insights. If you are feeling pressure to write, don't worry...I'd wait a year between blog entries if I had to just to get to read one of your beautiful pieces. (Of course, I would enjoy more, but I'd take what I could get...lol!)
Thank you for what you have shared.
Wren
My turn...
A bunch of years ago when I was a young man I owned a service station. On this particular day the weather was dismal at best. The wind was blowing sideways and there was just enough rain spattering that the chilled air made it seem worse than it really was.
Trying to stay out of the weather I was standing inside one of the service bay roll up doors talking with two of my employees. One of these hard working guys had worked for me for a couple years and I had known him prior to working for me and since he had returned from Vietnam and then married and had a son. When he wasn't working he rode a Harley and dressed the part as well with full leathers, biker club vest and a bright red bandana to boot. Equally as intimidating to his dress code was his big framed body complete with a full faced fire red beard topped off with a deep borough accented voice.
As we stood in the doorway a car pulled up at the farthest gas pump island out in the rain and then honked the horn. As we glanced out and saw the black 1964 Lincoln Continental the passenger's window rolled down and again the horn honked two short blast.
Without hesitation the red bearded Irishman yells out to the Lincoln, "What's the matter, don't you have legs?" With the passengers side window returned to it's upright position the driver's door opened and the Irishman now puffed out his big chest with body language that said, "What are ya going to do about it?" As we watched we could see the driver turn around and open the rear driver's side door which on a 64 Lincoln was a door that opened from the front edge and was nicknamed "suicide door." As soon as the rear door was open we noticed the driver inside reaching for something in the back seat and it was then that we all realized what was taking place....
The driver pulled a folding wheelchair out of the backseat area. After he managed to pull himself into the chair he began rolling his car toward the doorway we were standing in. I looked over at my employee who had yelled out to the man only to see his face turning beet red with embarrassment and his tough guy body language had turned to a quite bowl of jello. As the man wheeled himself toward us both of his empty pant legs flapped in the cold breeze. In fact... he had no legs at all.
As hard as I tried I could not move to duck away let alone think of the right thing to say either to my employee or the man in the wheelchair. When the man finally stopped a few feet away from where we stood he smiled and asked, "Can you please tell me how to get to Foothill Expressway?"
Both of my guys found themselves speechless as I offered the directions the man was seeking. Before he left he made direct eye contact with each of us and said thank you but before he turned to leave he rolled his chair straight up in front of the Irishman, sat up straight in his chair and saluted the big red bearded Irishman and said something like, "Private First Class Chandler..." and something about where he had served in Vietnam. He didn't have to say anything about his legs... we could only imagine.
What amazed me about all this is to this day I never knew how the man in the wheelchair knew the Irishman had served his country but believe me, the look in his eyes told me without a doubt he knew. With big tears in his eyes the big tough Irishman snapped to attention and saluted back in kind and I also knew that between those two men respect for each was apparent and all was at peace. To say it was a sobering moment would be putting it mildly.
After the man left in his Lincoln the Irishman humbly asked to leave work early. The biggest lesson that day was one of realizing we should always be respectful of others around us. So many times we take others for granted not realizing what it is like to be walking in their shoes. No pun intended. So often we are so busy dwelling on our own needs that it is easy to forget about the needs of others let alone realize many times their needs can be far more important than ours which may be trivial by comparison.
That being said, I find it somewhat ironic that I would find my good friend "hanging it up" as it were. Over the years I have known you to be a kind, intelligent, caring family man and one of wisdom that has learned from the old ones, It is that same wisdom that many, including myself, could benefit from. As a friend I respect and will accept any decision you make without argument. On the other hand, because I am your friend I feel I can ask you this question... What if the old ones had decided on one of their bad days to not speak of the old ways, of wild horses or hand down lessons we can all enjoy and learn from?
Like the Irishman who looked out and saw the man in the black Lincoln, he didn't realize what the man's needs were, neither do we realize what your needs may be but I do know any good friend deserves the time he or she needs to heal or gather themselves from a bad time.
I would respectfully ask that you look inside and take a breath and even yell out at the stars telling them what a bad day you are having. But rather than quit doing what it is I know for a fact you love doing I would ask you to simply put things on hold and begin posting again when the stars shine the way you remember them best. Your real friends and the ones who will benefit the most from your writing will be here when you are ready. Just like a good friend, time can be helpful when it comes to healing.
Yet another wonderful story! Thanks for sharing, Otter!
I totally respect your decision to quit posting to your blog. But, selfishly, I hope the urge hits you once again to post some of your wonderful writings someday!
Love ya!
Post a Comment